No Need For A Steam Bath
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: While enjoying a refreshing steam bath with his son, Nobuyuki makes a discovery that will astonish everyone at the Masaki shrine. TU continuity. Rated 'T' for nudity and sexual themes.


**No Need For A Steam Bath**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Rated 'T' for nudity and non-erotic sexual humor._

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website._

The door to the steam room opened and a short slender teenage boy entered, followed by a tall broad shouldered man wearing glasses and sporting a thin mustache. They were both clad only in the white towels that they held wrapped around their lower extremities.

"See, my son?" said the jovial man. "I told you that a steam bath would be just the thing to help you relax."

"Thanks Dad," nodded the boy. "I'm exhausted after chasing Ryoko around all day."

"Now, Tenchi," chided his father. "You know that her heart was in the right place."

"Yeah, but trying to get more business for your architectural firm by destroying buildings in town is too extreme," Tenchi added wryly.

His father laughed nervously. "Yeah, you know that she never does anything halfway!"

"I'm just glad that nobody was hurt," Tenchi collapsed on a bench and let the hot moist air relax him. "I tell you, I could sleep for days."

"You've had a stressful day," his father smiled. "Just close your eyes and let your mind drift."

"Okay," Tenchi mumbled. With his back against the wall, Tenchi shut his eyes and soon his body went limp. His head tipped back and he began to quietly snore. The boy's towel fell open, exposing his nude body to the steam room.

The reaction from his father was one of shock and disbelief. His mouth fell open and he took off his glasses to wipe the steam off on his towel. When he returned his spectacles to his face he still couldn't believe his eyes. Clutching his towel, he quickly vacated the steam room and grabbed a robe.

Outside, the trees looked lovely at this time of year. Autumn was beginning to change the color of the leaves, but the weather was still warm and cheery. At the top of the mountain, an elderly man with spectacles and a bushy mustache drank his tea and gazed out over the forested valley. His iron gray hair was tied back in a ponytail and he wore the white robes of a Shinto priest. His head turned to the direction of the stone steps that led to his house at the top of the mountain when he heard a voice call his name.

"Katsuhito!"

"Over here, Nobuyuki," he answered when he saw a tall bespecactled man wearing a robe stumbling up the steps. "What's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Father! There you are!" Nobuyuki stopped to catch his breath and then recovered to address his father-in-law. "Do you remember that steam room Washu installed in the house?"

"Why yes," the old man's eyes smiled mischievously. "As I recall, you felt that it was unfair for her to install a Turkish bath in another dimension that could only be accessed by ladies. For you and Tenchi, the door only led into your regular bathroom."

"Well, yeah," the younger man nodded. "Well, she finally got around to installing a steam room for Tenchi and me."

"What's the matter?" Katsuhito made an effort to keep a straight face. "Is something the matter? One of her inventions isn't giving you trouble is it?"

"No, no!" Nobuyuki shook his head. "It's nothing like that! It's Tenchi! You've got to see this!"

"All right," Katsuhito shrugged. "Show me."

Soon both men were staring through the glass window that was in the door between the changing room and the steam room.

"My-my," Katsuhito attempted to make light of the situation, but his face was as serious as a samurai accepting a challenge. "The boy has gone all to root!"

"Is that normal for people from your planet?" Nobuyuki asked. "I mean, is it an alien thing like Ryoko's ears or Ayeka's purple hair?"

"Don't look at me," the old man shook his head. "Tenchi is exceptional on any planet."

"But he's huge!" Nobuyuki exclaimed. "I mean, how does he put his pants on in the morning? He'd have to be a weight lifter just to go to the can, for crying out loud!"

"Now, now," tutted his father-in-law. "Don't you think you're exaggerating?"

"No way!" Nobuyuki shook his head and gestured towards the window in the door. "I mean, just look at him!"

"I admit that he seems rather large," Katsuhito admitted. "Perhaps Washu is using her science to play a joke on him or something."

"Maybe we should ask her."

Soon the two men were joined by a redheaded woman whose short stature and youthful appearance made her appear prepubescent.

"Holy Cow!" the four-foot genius exclaimed. "You weren't kidding! Just look at the size of it!"

"You didn't have anything to do with this then," Katsuhito's eyes studied Washu's face intently.

"Ya got that right!" the little genius nodded in alarm. "I can't take credit for that! What you see in there is all Tenchi!"

"Wow," Tenchi's father leaned against the window to stare at his son. "I guess I should be proud of him, but I can't help feeling a little intimidated."

"Now-now," Katsuhito patted his son-in-law on the back. "A true samurai is measured by more than the size of his weapon."

"It's like comparing a dagger to a katana," muttered Nobuyuki forlornly.

A strange electronic hum caused the trio to turn to see the head and shoulders of a woman peeking out of the wall. "Hey, what's everybody looking at?" The woman's golden eyes blinked in puzzlement, and a hand poked out of the wall scratch her wild greenish white hair.

"Ryoko, you've got to see this to believe it!" Washu whispered despite the soundproofing between the changing room and the steam room.

"What's the big deal?" Ryoko strode over to the window on the door while the others move aside to let her see. "Hey, why does Tenchi have that giant sausage in his lap?"

"That's not a sausage," Washu's green eyes flashed with excitement. "That's _his_ sausage."

"Whaddya mean, 'that's _his_ sausage'?" Ryoko put her hands on her hips. "You act like that's his…" Her voice trailed away as she blinked in surprise. "No way!" Soon the tall angular woman was pressing her face and hands against the glass in disbelief. "There's no way he could be that big!"

"That's my boy," Nobuyuki chuckled self-consciously.

"Wow!" Ryoko staggered back from the door. Her golden yellow eyes were wide as saucers. "I don't believe this."

"It's a bit of a surprise to us, too." Washu nodded.

"Ayeka's gotta see this," The superpowered extraterrestrial rubbed her hands together mischievously. "I'll go get her!"

Soon the cyan-haired woman was dragging a teenage girl with long purple hair into the room. "Ayeka!" Ryoko gushed. "You've got to see this! It will blow your mind!"

"All right," the purple haired girl struggled free of Ryoko's grip and straightened her elaborate pinkish purple kimono. "I'm here. Now what's so important that you had to drag me in here…" Her voice trailed way as she gazed at the dozing Tenchi in the steam room. Soon she found her voice. "You've got some nerve," her blood red eyes flashed angrily at Ryoko. "Y-you put that giant…_thing_ on Tenchi and you expect me to believe that it's real. This is the lowest…"

"No, it _is _real," Nobuyuki shook his head.

"What?" Ayeka's voice was a quiet as the cooing of a dove. "B-but it's so _large_!" Soon both Ayeka and Ryoko were pressing their faces and hands against the clear window on the door to the steam room. "I had no idea that Earth men were so well endowed!"

"And that's just when he's relaxed," gulped Nobuyuki. "I wonder how big it will get when he's aroused!"

"Now-now," Katsuhito chided. "It's really warm in there, you know."

"What are you two talking about?" Ayeka asked them.

Nobuyuki blushed as Katsuhito looked away.

"Well, you know that it…um…changes sizes right?" Nobuyuki scratched the back of his neck. "I mean depending on the temperature and whether or not a guy is ah… interested... can really make a difference!"

"You mean it changes size?" Ayeka put her hand over her mouth.

"Wow!" Ryoko shrugged. "And you guys call _me_ weird. Compared to you men, phasing through walls and throwing energy balls isn't looking so strange anymore."

"I… I can't believe that it can get bigger," Ayeka murmured weakly.

"It sure is a lot for your virgin eyes to take in, huh, Princess?" Ryoko smiled devilishly.

"It sure is…" Ayeka nodded weakly. "I…I…I can't look but at the same time I can't look away…"

"We gotta get Mihoshi and Kiyone," Ryoko grinned. "They won't believe their eyes!"

"I'll call 'em!" Washu clapped her hands and a cellular phone appeared in the air before her. She plucked the portable phone out of the air and pressed a speed dial button.

Soon there were seven people gawking through the door at the naked and sleeping Tenchi.

"Oh my, that's incredible!" Mihoshi gasped.

"Boy you said it," Kiyone nodded. "I don't know if I should be jealous or sympathetic for the girl he's going to marry."

"Probably a little of both," a blushing Ayeka said softly. "Making love to Tenchi would like being impaled on a pike."

"I'm scared," Mihoshi nodded to Ayeka.

"I know what you mean," Ayeka agreed.

"Hey, I'm scared too!" Ryoko insisted. "But I'm not going to let that stop me! The only way to overcome your fears is to face them head on and I for one am ready for the challenge!" The cyan-haired woman's hand reached for the doorknob.

Ayeka's hand clamped on Ryoko's wrist like a vice. "Just one moment Ryoko!" the crimson eyed girl grimaced. "Don't you _dare_ disturb Lord Tenchi while he's in the steam room! Doesn't he get _any _privacy?"

"If you care about his privacy, then why are you staring at him like that?" Ryoko snarked.

"She's probably formulating her wedding night plan of attack," Washu muttered unconsciously. "If a girl doesn't know what she's doing, she could really hurt herself in there!"

"Gee," the blonde Mihoshi's blue eyes betrayed both astonishment and awe. "Do you think that it gives Tenchi back pain?"

"Get your hands off me Ayeka!" Ryoko growled.

"Not on your life!" Ayeka hissed while struggling with the squirming Ryoko. "I'm not about to let you go in there and molest Lord Tenchi!"

"If I don't face my fears, that monster will give me nightmares!" Ryoko snapped. "Now let go will ya?"

"What's going on in here?" Asked an eight year old little girl with sky blue hair. "Are we having a party?" She walked past the wrestling girls to peer through the window. "Why is Tenchi's lap eating that giant hot dog?"

"Sasami!" Ayeka released Ryoko to block the child's view. "Don't look! Tenchi isn't decent! Errm," A bead of sweat appeared at Ayeka's temple as she struggled for a way to downplay the spectacle behind her. "I mean that Tenchi needs his privacy and that only grown ups can look in there," she said in her demure and cultured 'princess voice'.

"I'm going in," Ryoko declared while shaking her fist. "Washu, set up the medical unit in case I don't make it out of there. I'm willing to face my greatest challenge if it means being with the man I love."

"Wow," Nobuyuki's mouth fell open. "Can I watch?"

"Are you kidding?" Ryoko put her hand on her hip. "Look at the size of that thing! I want an entire team of paramedics standing by in case he's too much for me to handle. I'll feel better knowing there's someone out here in case something goes wrong."

Katsuhito rolled his eyes and shook his head as Nobuyuki and Washu hurried out of the room.

"Wow, you're a braver woman than I am, Ryoko," Mihoshi saluted the other woman.

"Now just hold on," a bead of sweat appeared on Kiyone's head. "Just what are we talking about here?"

"I'll never know if I can accept all of Tenchi until I try," Ryoko leaned her head against the door solemnly. "I have to know if I'm enough woman for him, or if it's all just an illusion." Steeling her courage, the cyan-haired woman opened the door and looked back at her flabbergasted audience. "If anything goes wrong, I want you to know that I've enjoyed the time we've spent together very much. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world…"

"What?" Kiyone exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"

"Do you honestly expect us to just stand here and watch you and Tenchi?" Ayeka screeched.

Nobuyuki and Washu returned with portable video cameras.

"Hey, I don't recall asking you, Princess," Ryoko growled. "Now if you don't mind, I've got to surrender myself to the man I love…Whoa!"

As she entered the room, Ryoko was tackled by Ayeka and the teal-haired Kiyone. The three of them struggled on the floor of the steam room while Mihoshi and Sasami put their hands over their mouths and watched the ruckus with alarmed eyes. Washu and Nobuyuki put the camcorders to the eyes and started recording. Katsuhito's expression was unreadable, since the reflection off the bright lights that Washu magically summoned for filming purposes made his eyeglasses appear opaque.

Tenchi snorted awake and looked bleary eyed at the rest of the household. "What's going on here?" he asked as he rose to his feet and rubbed his eyes. "Ayeka! Ryoko! Can't you two stop fighting…Eeyah!" Suddenly the boy put his hands over himself and hopped up and down on one foot. "What's everybody doing here? Why am I naked? Aahh!"

* * *

Later, in the living room, A fully dressed Tenchi and Nobuyuki were talking while Katsuhito prepared cups of tea.

"So you say that it's bigger, a lot bigger than everyone else's?" The boy asked his father.

"Why yes my son," his father nodded. "Haven't you ever noticed? Like in public restrooms or something?"

"I use stalls whenever I can," Tenchi blushed, "and when I can't, well it may surprise you, but I don't make it a habit to study another guy's junk, Dad."

"Well what about those porn movies I showed you?" Nobuyuki asked him. "I know that you shut your eyes during most of them, but didn't you notice the size of the equipment those guys had?"

"I just thought that they were um…smaller," Tenchi said weakly. "You know, 'cause the film has been made by guys for guys. A man won't want to see somebody's huge unit would they?"

"Smaller?" Nobuyuki's mouth fell open. "You thought the guys in those porn movies were _smaller_?"

Tenchi started when his grandfather grasped his shoulder. He was silent when he saw the grave look in Katsuhito's eyes.

"Tenchi," the old man said. "Never forget that with great power comes great responsibility."

Music composed by Danny Elfman played as skyscrapers raced past at blurring speed. Tenchi's voice could be heard narrating as the buildings yawned close by, only to be passed up as the view soared past the city limits. "My life," the boy said, "is different. Six women from outer space know my secret." Soon trees and mountains veered in threateningly before turning away just before a collision. "A secret…that separates me from all mankind. Although they are in love with me, they are afraid too." Soon a lake flashed underneath as a house passed by and the stairs up the mountain zipped beneath. "My power. My curse. My life." At the top of the mountain there was a house and standing on the roof of that house was a slender teenage boy. "My name…is Tenchi Masaki," the boy turned to reveal the unflinching look of determination on his face, "and this is my story…"

END


End file.
